I’d wanted to be a mum since my early twenties, pretty much as soon as I realised, I’d fallen in love with my now husband. I would dream about giving birth, the baby being placed in my arms. I’d see myself looking down at my baby, the look of pure elation on my face. I […]
Month: May 2019
Discovered my husband swinging
Only those that have found someone who has attempted to take their own life through hanging will know the true horror. Years on I am still traumatised by finding my husband hanging on our stairs. I was treated for PTSD at the time. Although it has got easier with time, it is something that still […]
A fresh start
My 4 month stay in a psychiatric ward was life changing. I meet many people during my time in there, people who will stay in my mind forever. Many are in competition, how many years they have been ill, how many attempts to take their own life, how many pills they take a day. I didn’t ever […]
Suicidal and Sectioned
After struggling with depression and anxiety for years, it took a turn for the worse. I was religiously taking the antidepressants, going to weekly counselling, but the downward spiral continued. The suicidal thoughts were constant. I would tell myself, no one would miss me, I was an outsider, not important. I doubted anyone would even […]
Depression sets in
People use the terminology depressed, when they are having a bad day or week. People who are truly depressed aren’t always aware of it initially and when they are aware of it, they rarely tell people about it. Because depression turns you in on yourself, cuts you off from the outside world. Imagine how it […]
Started full time employment
I didn’t choose my job; my parents chose it for me. My sister was already working, she had arranged for me to get a job with her. In preparation for my first day, my mother told me what a state I was. My hair was a mess, needed cutting and I was a dirty spotty, […]