Today I was assessed by the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT), for treatment for the BPD. The only information they have about me is the report from the psychiatrist who diagnosed me. There were two of them on the call, for an hour I was asked to explain my life. I mean where do I […]
Borderline Personality Disorder
I am redundant, lost and confused
I was made redundant 11 days ago and I feel like I have absolutely no purpose in life. I feel more alone, lost and confused than ever. Employment has always been the greatest distraction, it enabled me to become engrossed, block everything else out. Now I cannot find a distraction and what I am left […]
The diagnosis – psychiatric assessment
Having a psychiatric assessment felt like I had failed in both my quest to prove I do not have mental health issues, and as a human. Within the first couple of minutes he said he had a fair idea of what the problem was, the report sent to him by Heidi had given him a […]
Seeking help – psychological assessment
I reluctantly have to accept that seeking help is the only way forward. Today I spoke to Heidi about the episode that recently encountered. It terrified me, I even considered going to A&E (see Suicidal and Sectioned) like I did all of those years ago. Heidi advised that I need more help than she can […]
Having an ‘Episode’
I’ve just returned from a four day ‘episode’. I call it episode in the absence of having a more appropriate word to describe it. Another way to describe it would be a suicidal meltdown. I was already struggling, then a call with my therapist was the final straw. Heidi is the therapist that I have […]
Turbulence – consumed with anger..
Funny name turbulence, but that is the word that describes me best when I feel totally overwhelmed. When I am consumed with anger, sadness and pain. When the madness in my head gets too much and the pain inside makes me want to leave me own body. The pressure inside builds until it is so […]
I need to understand both BPD and myself
I cannot stop asking myself if I have BPD. I feel distraught, I cannot tell you how incredibly sad I feel. It is hard enough to deal with sadness when you understand the cause or reason, but I am sobbing uncontrollably and don’t even know why! It feels like everything has changed. I have always […]
Do I have Borderline Personality Disorder?
I started this week having a “meltdown” and it ended with my being distraught and confused. I’m left wondering if Heidi’s – and my – suspicion that I may have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is unfounded. I always question my sanity, but it’s far worse at the moment. I can’t help wishing that I hadn’t […]