People use the terminology depressed, when they are having a bad day or week. People who are truly depressed aren’t always aware of it initially and when they are aware of it, they rarely tell people about it. Because depression turns you in on yourself, cuts you off from the outside world.
Imagine how it feels, being wrapped in a snuggly warm blanket. Depression is the exact opposite, it shrouds you in a cold, darkness of emptiness. Is sucks the joy out of life, leaves you with nothing but pain and sadness. It makes you want to stay in bed, avoid the outside world, hide the person you have become. Because, it tells you, nobody wants you, you wouldn’t be missed, you are not important. It makes you cry, with no explanation as to why you feel so sad. It makes you hurt, because the loneliness is so intense.
You are too young
When I finally plucked up the courage to talk to my GP, he actually mocked me, told me I couldn’t be depressed because I was seventeen. Depression has no regard for age, any more than it does gender or wealth. It takes whoever it wants, whenever it wants. As a result, I left the doctors feeling more stupid than ever. Only retuning several months later, by which point I had started to have panic attacks. The attacks would come on suddenly, the element of surprise added to the intense feeling of panic. The overwhelming urge to get out of wherever I was, a feeling like I couldn’t catch my breath. The breathing increases sweat pouring from your pores, until your entire body feels numb, prickles like pins and needles. You feel terrified, absolutely terrified.
The next visit to my GP, he started writing me a prescription for antidepressants, before I had finished explaining how I felt. Assured me, they would help, but may take a number of weeks before they started to work. He said I had anxiety; the panic attacks would ease. Taking the tablets, was like a confirmation that there was something wrong with me. Like I had always suspected, I wasn’t normal and that is why I didn’t fit in. So, I continued to struggle, whilst taking the pills, right up to the point I was suicidal and sectioned.