I’ve just returned from a four day ‘episode’. I call it episode in the absence of having a more appropriate word to describe it. Another way to describe it would be a suicidal meltdown. I was already struggling, then a call with my therapist was the final straw. Heidi is the therapist that I have […]
pain
Turbulence – consumed with anger..
Funny name turbulence, but that is the word that describes me best when I feel totally overwhelmed. When I am consumed with anger, sadness and pain. When the madness in my head gets too much and the pain inside makes me want to leave me own body. The pressure inside builds until it is so […]
I am Human and I am a Woman!
This may sound stupid; everyone knows what they look like right? But I am not sure that I do! For I cannot bear to see myself in the mirror, I dash past it and into the shower. Once the mirror is masked in steam I am invisible. Other times I stand away from the sink to […]
Disappointments and Perfection!
I am sure there are easier ways to earn a living than offering therapy to someone like me. My counsellor must have patience in abundance, I am such hard work. I try so hard not to be, however I fail miserably. Being stuck in isolation means so many more hours alone, analysing and criticizing, my […]
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Coping with loss
Coping with the loss of someone we love, is unfortunately something we all have to experience. The older we get the more people we lose. Loving someone is what causes such pain when they die, without love there would be no pain. If someone you know dies, but you’re not emotionally attached to them, you […]
Feeling the anger
I don’t know where it comes from, but some days I am consumed with anger. I can feel it mostly in my chest, on occasions in my stomach. I keep gritting my teeth – causing a headache. I clench my fists, feel agitated and restless. It’s like when someone really annoys you and you lose […]
When your mum is the Devil
Sounds a bit over kill, calling my mum the devil, but she is the root of all the evil that lies deep within my brain. I struggle to even use the word mum, because I don’t believe she deserves the title. I have always wanted the mum that people talk about, the one you turn […]