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The Darkest of Knights

The long and very rugged road to freedom!
  • Counselling
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I am Human and I am a Woman!

Posted on June 6, 2020October 17, 2020by The Darkest Knight

This may sound stupid; everyone knows what they look like right? But I am not sure that I do! For I cannot bear to see myself in the mirror, I dash past it and into the shower. Once the mirror is masked in steam I am invisible. Other times I stand away from the sink to […]

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  • COVID-19 Pandemic

After 3 months I am free

Posted on May 24, 2020August 18, 2020by The Darkest Knight

I haven’t left the house now for almost 13 weeks. It feel like the loneliness and isolation are slowly killing me! Alison has been coming to visit me in my garden once or twice a week since the end of April. Technically not adhering to shielding guidelines, but when your sanity and life is at […]

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    • Counselling relationship
    • Negative voice
    • Positive Voice

I am finally starting to find myself

Posted on May 19, 2020August 20, 2020by The Darkest Knight

I am finally starting to find myself. I’ve been seeing my counsellor every week for a year, 5 times a week for the last month. I feel really bad, I hate it that she thinks I need so much of her time. At the same time I am so grateful to her. She is not […]

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  • Counselling
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    • COVID-19 Pandemic

Disappointments and Perfection!

Posted on May 2, 2020August 16, 2020by The Darkest Knight

I am sure there are easier ways to earn a living than offering therapy to someone like me. My counsellor must have patience in abundance, I am such hard work. I try so hard not to be, however I fail miserably. Being stuck in isolation means so many more hours alone, analysing and criticizing, my […]

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    • COVID-19 Pandemic
    • Counselling relationship
    • Suicidal thoughts

A suicidal COVID-19 Prisoner

Posted on April 24, 2020August 15, 2020by The Darkest Knight

Finally a few days ago my husband had been indoors for 2 weeks, he has no symptoms, so I no longer need to social distance from him. I usually take it for granted, but when I was able to sit in my front room and enjoy sitting on the sofa I actually felt joyful. The […]

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  • Counselling
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    • COVID-19 Pandemic

Adapting to a life of isolation

Posted on April 13, 2020August 29, 2020by The Darkest Knight

I’ve been shielding for 4 weeks (haven’t left the house for 8 weeks) and COVID-19 is seriously affecting my mental health! Saying that I am riding an emotional rollercoaster that never ends is an understatement, but it is the closest description I have. I can’t stop watching the news, the daily cases and death counts […]

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  • Counselling
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    • COVID-19 Pandemic

COVID-19 Pandemic and Shielding

Posted on April 4, 2020August 15, 2020by The Darkest Knight

Following on from My Dream post, I had some time out, several weeks away from work and the world in general. Just as I was about to return to work on the 16th March the COVID-19 pandemic began to impact the UK. Due to my health I was concerned about returning to work and coming […]

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  • Counselling

My Dream

Posted on February 15, 2020August 15, 2020by The Darkest Knight

It’s been a while since my last post. So much has happened in the last few weeks. I think it fair to say I have felt somewhat broken. Life was already a struggle and then I was referred for tests for suspected Leukemia‎. Every second of the last few weeks have felt like torture. My […]

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    • Counselling relationship
    • Positive Voice

It’s time to take the leap!

Posted on January 16, 2020February 4, 2020by The Darkest Knight

Maybe it is appropriate that 2020 is a leap year, because something in my mind is pushing me to take a leap, to leave my husband and my job. To pack up my things and move to a new area. Having dreamt about this for years, the “right time” appears to have arrived. The fear […]

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  • Counselling

Tis the season to be jolly

Posted on December 14, 2019December 24, 2019by The Darkest Knight

Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la) I wish this were true, but alas it isn’t. It is for me the loneliest time of year. Even when I am feeling well, December arrives, and the cold hand of […]

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I appreciate you taking the time to visit my website. My blog is not about happiness, but I sincerely hope in the future it will be.
For those of you fighting depression, you may lose some battles, but never give in and you will win the war.
For those battling with BPD, our inner selves will find peace. We will not suffer this pain forever...

Recent Posts

  • Why do I feel like a child?
  • CMHT Assessment
  • I am redundant, lost and confused
  • Feeling Heidi’s (my therapist) sadness
  • The diagnosis – psychiatric assessment
  • Seeking help – psychological assessment
  • Having an ‘Episode’
  • Turbulence – consumed with anger..
  • I need to understand both BPD and myself
  • Do I have Borderline Personality Disorder?
  • I am Human and I am a Woman!
  • After 3 months I am free
  • I am finally starting to find myself
  • Disappointments and Perfection!
  • A suicidal COVID-19 Prisoner
  • Adapting to a life of isolation
  • COVID-19 Pandemic and Shielding
  • My Dream
  • It’s time to take the leap!
  • Tis the season to be jolly
  • A brilliant day for 9-year-old me
  • Trust is one way
  • Why I started this Blog
  • When two voices fight
  • Coping with loss

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