This may sound stupid; everyone knows what they look like right? But I am not sure that I do! For I cannot bear to see myself in the mirror, I dash past it and into the shower. Once the mirror is masked in steam I am invisible. Other times I stand away from the sink to […]
After 3 months I am free
I haven’t left the house now for almost 13 weeks. It feel like the loneliness and isolation are slowly killing me! Alison has been coming to visit me in my garden once or twice a week since the end of April. Technically not adhering to shielding guidelines, but when your sanity and life is at […]
I am finally starting to find myself
I am finally starting to find myself. I’ve been seeing my counsellor every week for a year, 5 times a week for the last month. I feel really bad, I hate it that she thinks I need so much of her time. At the same time I am so grateful to her. She is not […]
Disappointments and Perfection!
I am sure there are easier ways to earn a living than offering therapy to someone like me. My counsellor must have patience in abundance, I am such hard work. I try so hard not to be, however I fail miserably. Being stuck in isolation means so many more hours alone, analysing and criticizing, my […]
A suicidal COVID-19 Prisoner
Finally a few days ago my husband had been indoors for 2 weeks, he has no symptoms, so I no longer need to social distance from him. I usually take it for granted, but when I was able to sit in my front room and enjoy sitting on the sofa I actually felt joyful. The […]
Adapting to a life of isolation
I’ve been shielding for 4 weeks (haven’t left the house for 8 weeks) and COVID-19 is seriously affecting my mental health! Saying that I am riding an emotional rollercoaster that never ends is an understatement, but it is the closest description I have. I can’t stop watching the news, the daily cases and death counts […]
COVID-19 Pandemic and Shielding
Following on from My Dream post, I had some time out, several weeks away from work and the world in general. Just as I was about to return to work on the 16th March the COVID-19 pandemic began to impact the UK. Due to my health I was concerned about returning to work and coming […]
My Dream
It’s been a while since my last post. So much has happened in the last few weeks. I think it fair to say I have felt somewhat broken. Life was already a struggle and then I was referred for tests for suspected Leukemia. Every second of the last few weeks have felt like torture. My […]
It’s time to take the leap!
Maybe it is appropriate that 2020 is a leap year, because something in my mind is pushing me to take a leap, to leave my husband and my job. To pack up my things and move to a new area. Having dreamt about this for years, the “right time” appears to have arrived. The fear […]
Tis the season to be jolly
Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la) I wish this were true, but alas it isn’t. It is for me the loneliest time of year. Even when I am feeling well, December arrives, and the cold hand of […]