It’s been a while since my last post. So much has happened in the last few weeks. I think it fair to say I have felt somewhat broken. Life was already a struggle and then I was referred for tests for suspected Leukemia. Every second of the last few weeks have felt like torture. My […]
It’s time to take the leap!
Maybe it is appropriate that 2020 is a leap year, because something in my mind is pushing me to take a leap, to leave my husband and my job. To pack up my things and move to a new area. Having dreamt about this for years, the “right time” appears to have arrived. The fear […]
Tis the season to be jolly
Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la) I wish this were true, but alas it isn’t. It is for me the loneliest time of year. Even when I am feeling well, December arrives, and the cold hand of […]
- Counselling
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A brilliant day for 9-year-old me
I cringed when my counsellor said “right, for homework I want you to write a story about a brilliant / fun day out for you as a 9-year-old”. To be fair I have cringed every time she has set me homework. She went on to explain “it can be anything, a trip to Disney World. […]
Trust is one way
Despite all the trust you have to put in the counsellor, they don’t have to trust you. This fact is quite difficult for me. You would only usually share parts of your true self with people who are close friends or family. Yet in the counsellor relationship, the counsellor always remains a stranger. You know […]
Why I started this Blog
A personal blog, I started writing after the sudden death of my brother. It made me realise how short life really is, after years of living with depression, I have decided to have counselling and make significant improvements in my life. As fifty rapidly approaches, I realise I am getting old and I don’t know […]
When two voices fight
My negative voice controls me, contradicts everything I say, criticises everything I do. It has the ability to turn any positive into a negative and strips away any happiness I manage to feel. I tried to map my thought process and demonstrate the negative paths. It isn’t easy to document, because it is constant, very […]
- Counselling
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Coping with loss
Coping with the loss of someone we love, is unfortunately something we all have to experience. The older we get the more people we lose. Loving someone is what causes such pain when they die, without love there would be no pain. If someone you know dies, but you’re not emotionally attached to them, you […]
Feeling the anger
I don’t know where it comes from, but some days I am consumed with anger. I can feel it mostly in my chest, on occasions in my stomach. I keep gritting my teeth – causing a headache. I clench my fists, feel agitated and restless. It’s like when someone really annoys you and you lose […]
When a child steals
It feels a tad strange saying that a memory as a six-year-old was a significant event. I’ve always been aware of the memory; it has come into my head several times over the years. My mother obviously thought this was an appropriate method, to teach me not to steal. I had spoken to a couple […]