Sounds a bit over kill, calling my mum the devil, but she is the root of all the evil that lies deep within my brain. I struggle to even use the word mum, because I don’t believe she deserves the title. I have always wanted the mum that people talk about, the one you turn […]
My Goals
So after many sessions with my counsellor, I was set a task of making a list of goals -promises to myself. Whilst making the list was difficult, the greatest challenge will be actually achieving them! I know where I am, I know where I want to be, but can I or will I ever get […]
A new me appeared
A few days after the meltdown I wrote about in “I thought I Couldn’t Go On”, I woke to find a new version of me, I don’t know where she came from, I don’t know if she had been hiding deep inside me for a while or if she developed over the past few days. […]
I thought I couldn’t go on
Eight months had passed since my brother had passed away. Consumed with guilt that I am alive and wasting my life, by reliving the past and hating myself, whilst his was life was cut so short. The counsellor I had been seeing since February had called me in late May to say she couldn’t work […]
Antidepressants
I am fairly confident if I were to speak to my GP, tell him how I have been feeling, he would be writing the prescription before I finished saying the first few sentences. Is it the easy answer? The right answer? Is it a quick fix, like putting a plaster over it? I refuse to […]
Counsellors can let you down
I truly wished I was not in the position, where I can write about how counsellors can you let you down, but here I am. I was so hurt and let down by my counsellor. After losing my brother and being diagnosed with a heart condition I think it far to say I was an […]
Gave up work to study
I had been at my company for 13 years – not bad for a two-week temporary position – when they announced the company would be moving to a location several hundred miles away. I wasn’t being made redundant, but all of my colleagues in the office were. I had always regretted not doing better at […]
The old bird graduated
I finally graduated with a First-Class honour’s degree at the age of 43. It was the most challenging thing I have ever done, but also the most satisfying and life changing. I realised I had a skewed view of myself and my capabilities / abilities. As I stated in the negative voice, I would work […]
Infertility diagnosis
I’d wanted to be a mum since my early twenties, pretty much as soon as I realised, I’d fallen in love with my now husband. I would dream about giving birth, the baby being placed in my arms. I’d see myself looking down at my baby, the look of pure elation on my face. I […]
Discovered my husband swinging
Only those that have found someone who has attempted to take their own life through hanging will know the true horror. Years on I am still traumatised by finding my husband hanging on our stairs. I was treated for PTSD at the time. Although it has got easier with time, it is something that still […]