I cringed when my counsellor said “right, for homework I want you to write a story about a brilliant / fun day out for you as a 9-year-old”. To be fair I have cringed every time she has set me homework. She went on to explain “it can be anything, a trip to Disney World. […]
Trust is one way
Despite all the trust you have to put in the counsellor, they don’t have to trust you. This fact is quite difficult for me. You would only usually share parts of your true self with people who are close friends or family. Yet in the counsellor relationship, the counsellor always remains a stranger. You know […]
Why I started this Blog
A personal blog, I started writing after the sudden death of my brother. It made me realise how short life really is, after years of living with depression, I have decided to have counselling and make significant improvements in my life. As fifty rapidly approaches, I realise I am getting old and I don’t know […]
When two voices fight
My negative voice controls me, contradicts everything I say, criticises everything I do. It has the ability to turn any positive into a negative and strips away any happiness I manage to feel. I tried to map my thought process and demonstrate the negative paths. It isn’t easy to document, because it is constant, very […]
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Coping with loss
Coping with the loss of someone we love, is unfortunately something we all have to experience. The older we get the more people we lose. Loving someone is what causes such pain when they die, without love there would be no pain. If someone you know dies, but you’re not emotionally attached to them, you […]
Feeling the anger
I don’t know where it comes from, but some days I am consumed with anger. I can feel it mostly in my chest, on occasions in my stomach. I keep gritting my teeth – causing a headache. I clench my fists, feel agitated and restless. It’s like when someone really annoys you and you lose […]
When a child steals
It feels a tad strange saying that a memory as a six-year-old was a significant event. I’ve always been aware of the memory; it has come into my head several times over the years. My mother obviously thought this was an appropriate method, to teach me not to steal. I had spoken to a couple […]
When your mum is the Devil
Sounds a bit over kill, calling my mum the devil, but she is the root of all the evil that lies deep within my brain. I struggle to even use the word mum, because I don’t believe she deserves the title. I have always wanted the mum that people talk about, the one you turn […]
My Goals
So after many sessions with my counsellor, I was set a task of making a list of goals -promises to myself. Whilst making the list was difficult, the greatest challenge will be actually achieving them! I know where I am, I know where I want to be, but can I or will I ever get […]
A new me appeared
A few days after the meltdown I wrote about in “I thought I Couldn’t Go On”, I woke to find a new version of me, I don’t know where she came from, I don’t know if she had been hiding deep inside me for a while or if she developed over the past few days. […]